Que raro que voy a regreser Estados Unidos manana, pero estoy lista porque me extrano ustedes, todos. Pero tambien voy a extanar Mexico, voy a extranar hablando en Espanol, voy a extranar futbol, voy a extranar los ninos, voy a extranar Ma. Pero mas de todos esos cosas voy a extranar una vida facil para creer que Dios no solo puede hacer cosas locas pero quiere, y va.
Pues, adios Mexico por ahora, gracias por todos!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
God Speaks
The Lord has been speaking lately, or maybe im actually listening lately, either way i am so greatful, like i wrote in the last blog He speaks in our heart laguage, and how i love the sound of English!
Wednesday all of the mexican students and i spent twelve hours solo with the Lord. We dressed warm, were given a gallon of water, a whistle, a flashlight, and ONE match. Dan decided where on the mountain we each would go, with a lot of distance between each one of us, and up we each went one by one at 5 in the evening, and there we would stay until 5 in the morning. I began to gather as much fire wood as i could, kept thinking that i had enough, but why not get more while there was still light. Once i gathered all that i could, i sat there with my organzed by size piles of fire wood, and the chair i had made for myself becuase there were so many stickers on the ground. I kept looking at my water, and looking at my one match wondering-when i would take the first drink, i didnt want to drink it too fast, we didnt have dinner that night so water was going to have to fill my stomache-when would i strike my only match, if i did it too soon and ran out of firewood i would be cold, or if the match did not stike i would be without fire the whole night. I kept looking around the mountain to see when other people would start their fires. Eventually, i was too cold, and i thought someone had to be the first, so i started my fire. Sure enough not too much later three more fires started up, everyone was waiting for the first person, as the night went on everyone started their fire, but by two in the morning there were only two of us, and a half hour after that my fire was the only one shining on the mountain. I wanted to bring fire to each person, i knew where most of them were, but it was against the rules, i felt so bad knowing that they could see my fire and didnt have any warmth for themselves. Many times i thought about putting out my fire to make everyone else more comfortable. That's when the Lord spoke. He told me about how the peices of firewood were each like a verse from the Bible, and it was by them that my fire, my light to this world has the strength to shine. The ONE match i had, is my one life here, my one chance to make a difference in the Kingdom. The Lord began to remind me of how many times in my life, i have known the word of the Lord, and i have been passionate for Him, then i get around people who dont know Jesus, and im always the first to start sharing of His love, like how i was the first fire, i jump right into it. And so many times i let the fire die, i put my fire out when i am around nonbelievers so that they wont feel uncomfortable. It's not that i get tired, or that i am scared, but simply that i feel as though i am offending people, and i feel bad. I have accepted the verse 1 John 3:13-when Paul warns His the church that people are going to hate them, dont be suprised by that. This is something that i have never really struggled with, i dont mind if people dont like me or not, but i often put out my fire becuase i dont want people to think that becuase i love Jesus i dont like them. I have learned that it is not me that makes people uncomfortable, but that it is Christ, Jesus told me that it's not about me, it between Him and the people i am sharing with-"so step out of my way Kayla, and let what i have put in you, let ME shine." The Lord told me that i was not to put out my fire while i was on the mountain as symbol of no longer doing so in my life, and i didn't until 5:30 am, and i still had firewood left.
Isaiah 61:1-3 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent e to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Mexico, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
Since i have been here i have had the privilege to do partner with the Lord and do these things, at the same time the Jesus has met here and brought the Spirit of the Sovereign Lord with him to bring me good news, comfort me, release me from chains, and tell me about the Lord's favor and how He is angry with my enemies, he has given me a beautiful crown, joy, and praise-as He has used me to tranform people into great oaks, He has replanted me as a great oak for His glory. For this i am so thankful. I am so thankful that no matter how persistant i was to run away from the Lord He was more persistant to run after me, and no matter how stubborn i was to stay broken, He was more stubborn to heal me. Being here and recieving more of the Lord's heart for His people everyday, being anointed by the Sovereign Lord to do the amazing things spoken in this passage, i am more and more terrified of the day that i will have to say good bye.
The Mexican students left on Friday, and there were definately tears, which only led me to think about having to say good bye to the kids that i have been spending every week with, the youth boys who i know the Lord has so much for. I have found comfort in knowing that i am not the one who brought the Lord here to San Vicente, therefore i can not take Him with me when i leave, i know that He was here before me, and He is going to continue to be here. I have been learning how to pray with the Lord's heart for His people and love with His heart and yet protect my heart for when i have to say good bye. Reading Paul's letter to the churches, He loves them-yet continues to only visit, and trust the Lord with them, knowing that He loves them more than Paul could, Paul has to say good bye a lot...I am learning from Paul. The Lord has really opened my eyes to how big He is, realizing that there are kids similar to the ones in San Vicente all over the world, so many more, so many lost, and so many that He loves, so many who themselves are anointed by the Sovereign Lord. This is something that we have all always known, but the reality of that is something that i am grasping daily.
I cry thinking about having to say good bye these kids, knowing that i most likely will never see them again, and the Lord tells me to take a moment and jump into His shoes. So there i am in heaven, there are so many beautiful colors, colors i have never seen on Earth before, the angels are singing, and i am amazed by the absence of spiritual warefare. My children are coming to me, i love them so much, my heart is pounding with joy for everyone that i open the gates for that they may enter my presence forever, I tell them that they have made me proud, that they are my good and faithful servants, i thank them for loving me, and I smile as each one of them recieve the whole love that i have always had for them. Then come some of my children whom i have loved just as much, whom i had been patiently waiting for, but now my heart is tearing inside, i can only shed tears on the inside becuase this this justice, i must deny entrance for them and i send them forever into tormeant, forever they will be absent of my presence. As terrible as this is for them, as sorry as i am for them that they will live in tormeant forever, i am sad, i am angry, becuase i too wanted to spend eternity with them, i want to know my children, i want to love them, but now is good bye forever.
I have always realized how terrible it is for the people that are going to hell forever, i have always wanted to bring the truth for their sake, that they may not suffer. But standing in the Lord's shoes, my motives have changed, now i want to bring the good news so that my God, my Daddy, my Best Friend might not be sad. I am so sad to say good bye to these kids, but i still have the hope of maybe seeing them again, more-so i have the hope that one day they will get to meet the Lord face to face, that some day they will recieve real love. But when the Lord has to say good bye to his children, that He loves so much more than i do these kids here, and He says good bye forever, with no hope of them ever meeting Him face to face, no hope of them ever receiving love, and our God has to do this all the time!!!
The third of many things that the Lord has revealed to me lately, Tina and i were driving by a sheperd and his sheep and i began to thank the Lord for leaving His flock to come and get me-so many times. He told me to look at the rest of he flock, not just the sheperd that left them to come after me, but the rest of the flock that stayed strong while He was gone. He told me that i was to be a part of the flock that He could walk away from to get the others who have gone away. He told me that He is only able to walk away from His flock to go after those ones because He is able to trust His flock, He told me that He needs me to be one who will look over the flock while He is out on business. I dont know if that will make sense to very many of you, but it did to me...
This week is a lot of catch up things, making the casettes to pass out to the camps, cleaning a lot, and we have our last team coming Thursday night, they are from San Diego, but actually a Mexican team, not sure whether they speak English or not, but this weekend is going to be packed with working with indiginous tribes.
I am getting anxious to get home, but i am trying to stay grounded here, for my time remaining here, my prayer request is Colossians 1:11-12, thank you!
Love you all
Wednesday all of the mexican students and i spent twelve hours solo with the Lord. We dressed warm, were given a gallon of water, a whistle, a flashlight, and ONE match. Dan decided where on the mountain we each would go, with a lot of distance between each one of us, and up we each went one by one at 5 in the evening, and there we would stay until 5 in the morning. I began to gather as much fire wood as i could, kept thinking that i had enough, but why not get more while there was still light. Once i gathered all that i could, i sat there with my organzed by size piles of fire wood, and the chair i had made for myself becuase there were so many stickers on the ground. I kept looking at my water, and looking at my one match wondering-when i would take the first drink, i didnt want to drink it too fast, we didnt have dinner that night so water was going to have to fill my stomache-when would i strike my only match, if i did it too soon and ran out of firewood i would be cold, or if the match did not stike i would be without fire the whole night. I kept looking around the mountain to see when other people would start their fires. Eventually, i was too cold, and i thought someone had to be the first, so i started my fire. Sure enough not too much later three more fires started up, everyone was waiting for the first person, as the night went on everyone started their fire, but by two in the morning there were only two of us, and a half hour after that my fire was the only one shining on the mountain. I wanted to bring fire to each person, i knew where most of them were, but it was against the rules, i felt so bad knowing that they could see my fire and didnt have any warmth for themselves. Many times i thought about putting out my fire to make everyone else more comfortable. That's when the Lord spoke. He told me about how the peices of firewood were each like a verse from the Bible, and it was by them that my fire, my light to this world has the strength to shine. The ONE match i had, is my one life here, my one chance to make a difference in the Kingdom. The Lord began to remind me of how many times in my life, i have known the word of the Lord, and i have been passionate for Him, then i get around people who dont know Jesus, and im always the first to start sharing of His love, like how i was the first fire, i jump right into it. And so many times i let the fire die, i put my fire out when i am around nonbelievers so that they wont feel uncomfortable. It's not that i get tired, or that i am scared, but simply that i feel as though i am offending people, and i feel bad. I have accepted the verse 1 John 3:13-when Paul warns His the church that people are going to hate them, dont be suprised by that. This is something that i have never really struggled with, i dont mind if people dont like me or not, but i often put out my fire becuase i dont want people to think that becuase i love Jesus i dont like them. I have learned that it is not me that makes people uncomfortable, but that it is Christ, Jesus told me that it's not about me, it between Him and the people i am sharing with-"so step out of my way Kayla, and let what i have put in you, let ME shine." The Lord told me that i was not to put out my fire while i was on the mountain as symbol of no longer doing so in my life, and i didn't until 5:30 am, and i still had firewood left.
Isaiah 61:1-3 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent e to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Mexico, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
Since i have been here i have had the privilege to do partner with the Lord and do these things, at the same time the Jesus has met here and brought the Spirit of the Sovereign Lord with him to bring me good news, comfort me, release me from chains, and tell me about the Lord's favor and how He is angry with my enemies, he has given me a beautiful crown, joy, and praise-as He has used me to tranform people into great oaks, He has replanted me as a great oak for His glory. For this i am so thankful. I am so thankful that no matter how persistant i was to run away from the Lord He was more persistant to run after me, and no matter how stubborn i was to stay broken, He was more stubborn to heal me. Being here and recieving more of the Lord's heart for His people everyday, being anointed by the Sovereign Lord to do the amazing things spoken in this passage, i am more and more terrified of the day that i will have to say good bye.
The Mexican students left on Friday, and there were definately tears, which only led me to think about having to say good bye to the kids that i have been spending every week with, the youth boys who i know the Lord has so much for. I have found comfort in knowing that i am not the one who brought the Lord here to San Vicente, therefore i can not take Him with me when i leave, i know that He was here before me, and He is going to continue to be here. I have been learning how to pray with the Lord's heart for His people and love with His heart and yet protect my heart for when i have to say good bye. Reading Paul's letter to the churches, He loves them-yet continues to only visit, and trust the Lord with them, knowing that He loves them more than Paul could, Paul has to say good bye a lot...I am learning from Paul. The Lord has really opened my eyes to how big He is, realizing that there are kids similar to the ones in San Vicente all over the world, so many more, so many lost, and so many that He loves, so many who themselves are anointed by the Sovereign Lord. This is something that we have all always known, but the reality of that is something that i am grasping daily.
I cry thinking about having to say good bye these kids, knowing that i most likely will never see them again, and the Lord tells me to take a moment and jump into His shoes. So there i am in heaven, there are so many beautiful colors, colors i have never seen on Earth before, the angels are singing, and i am amazed by the absence of spiritual warefare. My children are coming to me, i love them so much, my heart is pounding with joy for everyone that i open the gates for that they may enter my presence forever, I tell them that they have made me proud, that they are my good and faithful servants, i thank them for loving me, and I smile as each one of them recieve the whole love that i have always had for them. Then come some of my children whom i have loved just as much, whom i had been patiently waiting for, but now my heart is tearing inside, i can only shed tears on the inside becuase this this justice, i must deny entrance for them and i send them forever into tormeant, forever they will be absent of my presence. As terrible as this is for them, as sorry as i am for them that they will live in tormeant forever, i am sad, i am angry, becuase i too wanted to spend eternity with them, i want to know my children, i want to love them, but now is good bye forever.
I have always realized how terrible it is for the people that are going to hell forever, i have always wanted to bring the truth for their sake, that they may not suffer. But standing in the Lord's shoes, my motives have changed, now i want to bring the good news so that my God, my Daddy, my Best Friend might not be sad. I am so sad to say good bye to these kids, but i still have the hope of maybe seeing them again, more-so i have the hope that one day they will get to meet the Lord face to face, that some day they will recieve real love. But when the Lord has to say good bye to his children, that He loves so much more than i do these kids here, and He says good bye forever, with no hope of them ever meeting Him face to face, no hope of them ever receiving love, and our God has to do this all the time!!!
The third of many things that the Lord has revealed to me lately, Tina and i were driving by a sheperd and his sheep and i began to thank the Lord for leaving His flock to come and get me-so many times. He told me to look at the rest of he flock, not just the sheperd that left them to come after me, but the rest of the flock that stayed strong while He was gone. He told me that i was to be a part of the flock that He could walk away from to get the others who have gone away. He told me that He is only able to walk away from His flock to go after those ones because He is able to trust His flock, He told me that He needs me to be one who will look over the flock while He is out on business. I dont know if that will make sense to very many of you, but it did to me...
This week is a lot of catch up things, making the casettes to pass out to the camps, cleaning a lot, and we have our last team coming Thursday night, they are from San Diego, but actually a Mexican team, not sure whether they speak English or not, but this weekend is going to be packed with working with indiginous tribes.
I am getting anxious to get home, but i am trying to stay grounded here, for my time remaining here, my prayer request is Colossians 1:11-12, thank you!
Love you all
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